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  • Writer's picturePractically A Witch

Natalia’s Field Guide to Deities and the Tricks They’ll Pull

Natalie Katona is a coven mate and one of the most delightful people I've met in a long time. She's graciously agreed to be our first guest blogger, something we hope to see more of in the coming year!

Natalie Katona was a child who devoured books about magic, witches, and mythologies, so it was no coincidence when in her mid-twenties she started forming her own craft. It all started with meditation to ease transitions and has expanded into ritual work, energy cleansing, divination, and manifestation being a key part to her everyday. The best thing she finds with her craft is that she can tailor each spell or ritual to her own needs and her personality. It is a belief system that allows her a lot of freedom and a deep connection to the world around her. Her craft wouldn’t be as moving or meaningful without her creativity. She has her own blog depicting her artist’s journey at nataliesinspiration.com and is the creator of a podcast, To All the Men I’ve Tolerated Before. You can connect with her personally on Instagram or TikTok at nataliek124. For more information on the podcast, see https://linktr.ee/menivetoleratedpod.

 

(Picture this, your friendly coven Natalia is in a park Ranger outfit littered with badges of deities she’s thwarted. It’s unsettling because we know she doesn’t camp. And yet, she’s here to teach you how to outwit the deities that you’ll come across in the wild. This is meant to be read in that narrating voice of tv/movie bits that use old, projected “how to” films that start with that stuttering squeaky sound. You know it? You know it! And yes, there are really bad enactments of these situations with people from your favorite made for TV movie.)


1) The Deity Who Wants You to Settle

The deity who wants you to settle for less than your worth comes in the form of ex partners,

friends who take more than they give, and bosses with poor boundaries and poorer pay. Don’t be fooled! Their glamour will make you believe you’re happy with where you are in life even though you have a lot of indeed.com applications and dating app profiles that tell you differently. You will start to feel your gumption sink and dissipate!


The cure: Screaming into the full moon’s night “I AM WORTHY!” And then throwing out or

setting on fire a symbol of an old relationship.


2) The Deity who Warps Your Body Image

This deity is found in the mirror realm. They are the robbers of joy over the delight that is food. They’ll make you rethink your favorite outfit. They’re a vain asshole who makes you believe you should have hit the gym and not had popcorn at the theater when you saw Encanto. Nonsense! You love popcorn and the salty butter masked the salt of your tears because that move is unannounced shadow work.


The cure: Allow yourself one indulgent treat a day. And after that treat, stand in front of the

mirror and say three times “I have never been more glorious than I am today.” Bonus points if you do it in your birthday suit.


3) The Deity Who Gives You Finance Angst

This deity is constantly whispering “we said we were going to save more this year”. Honestly,

what a jerk. We’re doing the best we can under capitalism and it’s a chore to be doing that.

Symptoms of this deity’s influence will be anxiously checking your bank account in the middle of the night and losing all your tax paperwork. Why are taxes hard to do? It doesn’t make sense for us or the government! This deity is also the reason banks think it’s appropriate to send “are you ready for these payments?” months before the student loan pause is done. No one is ready for those payments to start, email.


The cure: Take a reasonable amount of money and make your dreams come true at a discount store. There’s magic in resale shops and thrift stores, they hold all the wonderful memories of people who loved these items. Also have you been to a $5 Below? You can change your whole life outlook at $5 Below. And get a plushie that will comfort you.


4) The Deity Who Weakens Your Boundaries Against Toxic People

This deity looks strangely like the settling deity. They’re life partners… but they might also be siblings. The pantheon gets weird. They both work together to make you feel like you deserve the way people treat you and being burnt out is fine and par for the course. Symptoms of this deity include allowing friends to unload on you without your emotional consent, letting family members do random drop ins when you weren’t aware they had a key, and looking at your partner and wondering the last time you felt fulfilled.


The cure: Take a real bomb selfie of yourself and print it out. Surround that selfie with a wall of salt and crystals. Remind yourself that you put boundaries in place because it was your best option to a great life. Then clap your hands to dissipate that deity’s influence over your

judgement.



I think that’s enough for class 1. For homework, write yourself a letter explaining to yourself why you’re so capable of making this life a great one.

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